THE NIGERIAN IN ME.


This I’ve been meaning do.

What is it that is wrong with us really?

We are just out in this world to copy concepts. Sometimes to save our mud-slimed face we spew ‘homegrown’ as a prefix to these concepts.

But have we not seen that everything we copy we copy wrongly? Or at least add the ‘homegrown’ ingredients to skew it?

We got Military. Then we thought it will be better if they rule instead of defend. We now know better.

Then we got democracy. Funny! We even called it ‘nascent’ (sending kids unnecessarily to dictionaries). We even made it look like we discovered the word. Remember ‘impasse’? One word that was sounding like it was ours.

We got political parties. Then turned it downside up.

We got ‘opposition’. Lost its meaning, devised our own way of dealing with the concept. So tey we can even associate some individuals with the word. Laughable!

We got ‘PAs’ and ‘SAs’ then bungled it.

We even have succeeded in bungling ‘marriage’ too.

Then someone found “unity in diversity” in one book (don’t ask me which book o), laid it on all of us, we tried it and spat it out.

The worst. We went to import ‘Christianity’ and ‘Islam’. Then thought we owned it. Modified it (still on the modify mode though). Refused to practice it as pure as we saw it. Ignored and now hate our original religion. Castigate and even kill those who speak for our indigenous religions.

Oh! We found languages. English tops the list. We struggle every day to prove to the English he is a ‘Learner’. In his own mother tongue? Brothers be like ” can I get wa’er’? After going to Cotonou to buy a miserable Tokunbo car.
The more convoluted your sentences, the more enlightened it appears you are.
A sister said to me that she lived in the ‘unired srares’ for 18 years. And that all ‘Ts’ are to be silent. I quickly agreed and shook my head in silence.

We realized our offices were our ‘authority places’ so a messenger would tell a visiting prof “this is my office and you can’t teach me my job( substitute work). But we refuse to practise “the customer is king” for obvious reasons.

We learnt to smoke and drink and came first in the contest.

We learnt to drive (refused to manufacture any thing driveable) and thought we are better without traffic rules or driving lessens or seat belts (which makes it difficult to run out of the car in the face of accidents).

How many of us still thinks that ‘Jollof rice’ is native to us and a very important delicacy? How many still thinks fork (read fuck) is offensive in a restaurant? Suggestive waiters be like “it is not fork, it is ‘feck’. GAWD! Nonsense!

…and the list goes on. May be I should make this part 1(like my Nollywood brothers). Chineke e! How did I forget those pretenders? Ok! This is definitely part 1.

Watch out for part 2 then.

Check under listed addresses for the part 2.

No. 9 Ebinpeju lane, Idumota.
21 Iweka Road, Onitsha.
No. 4 Pound road, Aba.
(Always the same addresses since 1991).

SMH for una!

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